Living together may not lead to marriage!!
Both men and women are marrying later, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. Nonetheless, most Americans do eventually marry at least once, according to the New York Times. However, some men remain single long after most of their counterparts have married. They do so for various reasons, most of which relate to a fear many men have of losing their independence. However, men also remain single for reasons beyond their control or beyond the control of their would-be spouses.
Holding Out for the Perfect “10”
Both men and women often put off marriage because they are convinced that better options are still out there, according to Kate White, editor in chief of Cosmopolitan magazine. Rich Santos, a blogger for Marie Clare, writing for MSN Lifestyle, agrees. “I’m like Simon on American Idol: always finding something in someone to annoy me. I am rarely intrigued by a girl these days,” he stated.
Fear of Bad Marriages
Many men prefer to remain single rather than risk becoming involved in a bad marriage, according to Carl Weisman, author of “So Why Have You Never Been Married? Ten Insights into Why He Hasn’t Wed,” quoted by Reuters. A major fear reported by men is that they will marry the wrong person, according to Weisman. Middle-aged men who have been through a divorce are often afraid of repeating the experience, according to Third Age.
Competing Major LIfe Goals
Men who are pursuing higher education or other long-term career goals often remain single longer, according to John Molloy, author of “Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others.” quoted on Today/MSNBC. According to Molloy, men who pursue graduate education or careers such as medicine do not pursue marriage until they have actually completed their education and have entered the working world.
According to Molloy, some men over age 40 look at women and marriage as bad financial investments. These men are reluctant to share their income, savings or other assets and view many women as gold diggers. George Weinberg, Ph.D., author of “Why Men Won’t Commit: How to Get What You Both Want Without Playing Games,” writing for SelfGrowth.com, advises women not to allow men to spend too much money on them. “Don’t give him the sense that he has to do too much, that you are too costly,” he stated. Even wealthy men do not want to be considered a meal ticket, he says.
No Rush to Procreate
The biological clock begins to become a hard reality for women in their thirties. Men are aware that they can continue to sire children well into old age, according to CNN. Men who wish to become fathers often only begin to worry about aging when they reach their forties, according to Molloy. They are concerned with being young enough to share bonding experiences with young sons, rather than actually being able to father a child, he stated.
Why Buy the Cow?
Many women have heard the stern warning, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” as discouragement against living with their boyfriends. In fact, 40 percent of live-in relationships do not last longer than five years, according to White. While women often enter into living with their boyfriends as a step toward marriage, moving in with their partners may actually interfere with tying the knot. “A lot of guys view living together as just a test run,” she said. According to Third Age, many men enjoy having the benefits of a relationship, such as companionship and regular sex, but are unwilling to take on the financial and child-rearing responsibilities of marriage.
The Company they Keep
According to Molloy, men follow the pack where marriage is concerned. Men who have friends who have married within the past year are more likely to marry than men who do not. In addition, men whose older siblings have not married are less likely to marry. This is especially true for men whose older siblings are past the prime marrying ages of the 20s and 30s and who live at home.
According to Molloy, the prime marrying age for men occurs during their 20s and 30s, with college educated and professional men marrying later than those with only a high school education. Once men reach their 40s, the chances that they will marry drop dramatically. Many men who remain single are confirmed bachelors who are content with the freedom of single life, according to Molloy and Third Age.
Celibates and Asexuals
Priests, monks and nuns remain celibate because of religious conviction. However, many older men have given up on the dating scene or the possibility of marriage because of repeated rejections from women, Molloy stated. According to a study reported by Georgia State University, involuntary celibates often believe the opportunity for intimate relationships has passed them by. Other men may be anxious about their sexual performance, according to Santos. On the other hand, asexuals do not enjoy sexual contact, although they may crave companionship with limited intimacy, according to Platonic Partners UK.
Many men would like to marry, but cannot, because they are homosexual. Many of these men are, in fact, involved in committed relationships. In the United States, same-sex marriage is a hotly contested issue. As of May 2010, it was legal in only a handful of states, with other states recognizing domestic partnerships that include same-sex pairs. Other states have actively pursued a constitutional ban against same sex marriage, according to Stateline.org and Freedom to Marry.