Tag Archives: marriage

Is your parent pressuring you into marriage?

I am curious, do American mothers pressure their children into marriage as much as African mothers??

You guessed it!!! I am not married and have all the intentions of accepting a “good proposal” when it is presented by the “right person”. 🙂 I have to put that disclaimer in there.

However, every African man I talked to (mostly Nigerian/Ghanaian) tell me their mothers are constantly begging them to marry. Do other cultures pressure their children( I know South Asians -Indians) mothers do too. However my question is:

Is it healthy to pressure your kids to marry?

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Does A Celebrity Marriage = Losing Some Fans

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some of you remember “AfroBeats” hosted PSquare in Chicago this past August and yours truly was the MC..(I had to plug myself :). However, as I was selling tickets for the concert (yes I actually do help out) some of girls mentioned that they were not going to the concert because they did not want to see “married men” on stage because its takes the fun out it. They rather see the likes of Sarkodie, Lynxx, Wiz kid etc because they are single and (my interpretation) think they might have a “chance” of getting with the artist/celebrity.

Although the turn out for the concert was good, I wanted to pose this question to the street IS THIS TRUE???????????????????

When a celebrity, male/female get married do they lose some of their sex appeal, resulting in a lost of fans??

Please comment..

Finally Something worth reading… Open Marriage, Healthy Marriage?

Open Marriage, Healthy Marriage?
New research shows open marriages are healthier and happier

Only people who have been in long term relationships might agree with this article. Based on the title I am sure some of you perverts are thinking an open marriage means you can go hang out and have sex with people outside your relationship.. SORRY but that is not what this is about. I realized that personally I need someone that will help me grow and support me emotionally /Spiritually more than in other areas. Sometimes all we need is that person who knows us and encourages us to keep seeking out our dreams and develop as a person. I know there have been times where I felt I was being supportive in helping my partner grow but they may not have felt that way. However, whenever you ask someone why they are not with their ex, they usual say they were not supportive, felt stuck or could not breath in the relationship. Now that I am seeking out my dream I know that I want a partner who will encourage me to grow as a person by allowing me the space to experience life and bring it back home to share with them.. blah blah blah.. 🙂

Just the read the damn article..

Current research and views of Western marriage support the idea that an open marriage, supporting the growth and development of the individuals within a marriage, creates the healthiest environment for a happy, long-term relationship.

Arthur Aron and Gary Lewandowski are psychologists who recently published research about the things that make healthy marriages last. They found that qualities such as healthy communication, social support and mental well-being contributed most to making marriages last. But, these things didn’t predict how happy a marriage was. Instead, the degree to which a marriage, and one’s marital partner, helped an individual grow as a person, and expand themselves, was the single variable most predictive of that person’s judgment of their marriage. In other words, people who feel that their husband or wife has helped them to grow as a person, to learn new things, to become a better, different person, are most likely to view their marriage as a positive, healthy and vibrant thing.

When Nena and George O’Neill wrote their book, Open Marriage, the media and society grabbed onto a small piece of their concept, the idea that married partners might have sex with people other than their spouse. In later writings, the O’Neill’s expressed regret over this, and the fact that the term “open marriage” was now synonymous with sexual nonmonogamy. The O’Neill’s were writing at the end of an era when women had been returned to the kitchen, after working in the factories during World War II. During the Fifties, American culture strongly asserted the value of the traditional marriage, where a wife stayed home and the husband went to work. A wife and husband were supposed to be everything to one another, to satisfy each other’s every need. Best friend, soul mate, confidant, bedmate, all wrapped into one pretty, neat, tidy package.

But, this is a stifling, growth-retarding package and recipe for a relationship. Fifty years ago, the O’Neills argued that healthy marriages were ones that recognized the need for individual growth of each person in the marriage. And growth comes from encountering and reacting to new things, new ideas, and new people. Rather than expecting people to grow, trapped in a fishbowl with one other person, the O’Neills said that husbands and wives needed relationships and experiences with people other than their spouses. Not necessarily sexual or intimate relationships either, but even just friendships, and professional relationships. Experiences that help each person to continue a lifetime of growth, in partnership with their spouse.

The lovely thing about the recent research by Aron and Lewandowski is their support of the underlying concept that a healthy, happy marriage is one that is comprised of two healthy, happy individuals. Health and happiness are driven by growth, not stagnation. A healthy marriage is thus one that provides a stable, safe “home base” for each partner to venture out from, acquiring new experiences, and bringing them back home to digest and grow. Before Socrates died, the story goes, he was reading a book about plant cultivation. A student asked him why he was bothering to do so, when he was condemned to die in a few hours. “Because,” he said, “When I stop learning, that is when I die.” Marriages are the same; when the people in them stop growing, that is when a marriage begins to die.

What do you think??

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10 reasons Men stay single

Living together may not lead to marriage!!

Both men and women are marrying later, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. Nonetheless, most Americans do eventually marry at least once, according to the New York Times. However, some men remain single long after most of their counterparts have married. They do so for various reasons, most of which relate to a fear many men have of losing their independence. However, men also remain single for reasons beyond their control or beyond the control of their would-be spouses.

Holding Out for the Perfect “10”
Both men and women often put off marriage because they are convinced that better options are still out there, according to Kate White, editor in chief of Cosmopolitan magazine. Rich Santos, a blogger for Marie Clare, writing for MSN Lifestyle, agrees. “I’m like Simon on American Idol: always finding something in someone to annoy me. I am rarely intrigued by a girl these days,” he stated.

Fear of Bad Marriages
Many men prefer to remain single rather than risk becoming involved in a bad marriage, according to Carl Weisman, author of “So Why Have You Never Been Married? Ten Insights into Why He Hasn’t Wed,” quoted by Reuters. A major fear reported by men is that they will marry the wrong person, according to Weisman. Middle-aged men who have been through a divorce are often afraid of repeating the experience, according to Third Age.

Competing Major LIfe Goals
Men who are pursuing higher education or other long-term career goals often remain single longer, according to John Molloy, author of “Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others.” quoted on Today/MSNBC. According to Molloy, men who pursue graduate education or careers such as medicine do not pursue marriage until they have actually completed their education and have entered the working world.

Financial Considerations
According to Molloy, some men over age 40 look at women and marriage as bad financial investments. These men are reluctant to share their income, savings or other assets and view many women as gold diggers. George Weinberg, Ph.D., author of “Why Men Won’t Commit: How to Get What You Both Want Without Playing Games,” writing for SelfGrowth.com, advises women not to allow men to spend too much money on them. “Don’t give him the sense that he has to do too much, that you are too costly,” he stated. Even wealthy men do not want to be considered a meal ticket, he says.

No Rush to Procreate
The biological clock begins to become a hard reality for women in their thirties. Men are aware that they can continue to sire children well into old age, according to CNN. Men who wish to become fathers often only begin to worry about aging when they reach their forties, according to Molloy. They are concerned with being young enough to share bonding experiences with young sons, rather than actually being able to father a child, he stated.
Why Buy the Cow?
Many women have heard the stern warning, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” as discouragement against living with their boyfriends. In fact, 40 percent of live-in relationships do not last longer than five years, according to White. While women often enter into living with their boyfriends as a step toward marriage, moving in with their partners may actually interfere with tying the knot. “A lot of guys view living together as just a test run,” she said. According to Third Age, many men enjoy having the benefits of a relationship, such as companionship and regular sex, but are unwilling to take on the financial and child-rearing responsibilities of marriage.

The Company they Keep
According to Molloy, men follow the pack where marriage is concerned. Men who have friends who have married within the past year are more likely to marry than men who do not. In addition, men whose older siblings have not married are less likely to marry. This is especially true for men whose older siblings are past the prime marrying ages of the 20s and 30s and who live at home.

Confirmed Bachelors
According to Molloy, the prime marrying age for men occurs during their 20s and 30s, with college educated and professional men marrying later than those with only a high school education. Once men reach their 40s, the chances that they will marry drop dramatically. Many men who remain single are confirmed bachelors who are content with the freedom of single life, according to Molloy and Third Age.

Celibates and Asexuals
Priests, monks and nuns remain celibate because of religious conviction. However, many older men have given up on the dating scene or the possibility of marriage because of repeated rejections from women, Molloy stated. According to a study reported by Georgia State University, involuntary celibates often believe the opportunity for intimate relationships has passed them by. Other men may be anxious about their sexual performance, according to Santos. On the other hand, asexuals do not enjoy sexual contact, although they may crave companionship with limited intimacy, according to Platonic Partners UK.

Legal Impediments
Many men would like to marry, but cannot, because they are homosexual. Many of these men are, in fact, involved in committed relationships. In the United States, same-sex marriage is a hotly contested issue. As of May 2010, it was legal in only a handful of states, with other states recognizing domestic partnerships that include same-sex pairs. Other states have actively pursued a constitutional ban against same sex marriage, according to Stateline.org and Freedom to Marry.

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